Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
