So drunk, too bad you don't want this
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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