So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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