May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
