On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
