Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
