Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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