We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
