I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
