I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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