did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
