He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
