Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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