Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
