When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
