p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
