All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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