sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
