distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
