did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
