the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
