I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
