Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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