If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
