Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
