tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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