Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
