tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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