there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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