I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
