you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
