Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
