i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
