you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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