and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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