so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
