So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
