You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
