We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
