found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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