I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
