I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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