i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
