if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
