I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
