i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
