i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
