ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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