You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
