I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
