How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
