What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
