i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
