the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
