I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
