am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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